Bossy Books

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."
- Albert Enstein

Okay, so in life I have narrowed down people into two types, those that like to follow directions and those that don't. I for example, am a person who feels trapped and confined by being told what to do.  I enjoy creative freedom and abhor the thought of having to do anything by following someones else's step-by-step directions. Thinking about this as I write it probably explains why I am so horrible at dancing, building Lego sets, making dishes from recipes, reading self-help books etc. Unfortunately, for people like me that don't like to follow directions it also leads to difficulty losing weight or achieving goals.

 This realization helped me to understand that in life there needs to be a balance. Which explains why my husband and closest friends are all the kind of people who do not deviate from following directions. After years of  surrounding myself with these types of people and seeing their success I am happy to say that their outlook on life is finally rubbing off on me (it only took 36 years but heh who's counting). With that said, I for the first time in a very long time bought a Weight Watchers Cookbook tonight with the intentions of using it. Normally, I have very little patience for these bossy books and just enjoy looking at the pictures, but since I am trying to do something new I thought maybe following a recipe, or recipes could put me on the path to changing my non-rule following ways. Call me crazy...okay don't, but I know I need to be okay with letting someone with a little more knowledge take the lead on this. I think letting the extremely intelligent people from Weight Watchers (who by the way get paid to know this stuff)will help me make healthy, portion controlled meals, which will if I stick to it help me to lose weight.

Now from time to time, I have be accused of not asking for help or being prideful, so I think God will honor my humility in this endeavor. I know I will need his help in this area and will be praying about this a lot throughout this journey. Of course,  I am fully aware that by taking on this task  it might feel like my fingers nails are being ripped out...at first, but like everything hard I know it will get easier. So, tomorrow be expecting a picture from my first attempt at not being "insane" and doing something different.

Filter Free

"Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue is what counts." -Winston Churchill

If I thought posting my weight yesterday was scary, than it is nothing compared to  thought of posting my fat pictures online. I tried to talk myself out of it this morning, but I realized that if I want to do this then I know I need to be all in. I'm hopeful that as I look back at these pictures that it inspires me to continue to battle for a healthy body and more mindful me. 

When it comes to pictures, one goal I have at the end of this journey is to be able to have a filter free life. For years now, I have just been taking selfies and covering up by using all the fun Snap-chat and Facebook filters. Enough is enough! I don't want to have to keep  dangling the camera above my head for skinny shots of my face while my kids try to squeeze into the shot. I'm ready for family pictures where I also don't feel like I have to hide behind my husband or children. I'm tired of not letting others take pictures of my family because I know there is no skinny angle when it comes to a full body shot. God  has given me a beautiful body and there is more to me than just my face.   

I know it might also seem a little vain by me wanting to look good in front of a camera, but I don't want to shy away anymore. I want to be proud of my WHOLE body. In a couple months, I would love for my legs to be my favorite feature and mostly because I had a part in sculpting them (move over feet and hands).  Reading about other peoples weight loss stories have encouraged me and help me realize that this is possible and now I am ready to have my own story. I can't wait for my after pictures!

(I didn't even suck in for these!) 

Chest: 42 in

Waist: 39 in

Arms:13 in

Thighs: 28 in

Hips: 46 in

SW:198

Liar! Liar! Pants on Fire

SW: 198

GW:145


"If you want to be successful in life there is one rule: Don't lie to yourself."
-Paulo Coleho

If  Paulo is correct then that  explains why  I've struggled with weight loss. For years,  I have been battling the scale and most likely because I've been lying to myself. I've disillusioned myself about portion sizes, being "big-boned," imaginary thyroid issues, quick-fix diets and of course blaming my childhood trauma.  In fact, if I were to graph out the last 20 years of my weight it   would look like a roller coaster ride of epic proportions. So after all that, I've come to the conclusion that if it's not the diet or the family drama that's kept me from being healthy then I'm just BIG FAT LIAR! I don't want to be hard on myself, but I have to admit I've become quite the food eating con-artist.

Everyday, I start off with good intentions, but then by three o'clock I find myself stuffing my face or negotiating one more bite of something I knew I shouldn't eat. While I find that I can wipe away my guilty conscience  each morning my body is starting to pay the price of my lies. Yeah, I can avoid getting on the scale, but I can't escape the increasing dress sizes and the way my whole body aches in the morning. I just feel heavy. My feet hurt and at this rate I will probably need a hip replacement. I need a complete over haul, but I  can't just hop on the next fad diet for the hundredth time and think that this will finally be the time I can lose the weight and keep it off. No, no more lies for me. I need to face the cold hard truth. I love food and I will lie to eat it.

So, after some (okay a lot of) coffee and contemplation I came up with  three ways that I will win this battle. First, I need to join an accountability group "Weight Watchers." Next, I need to track my food... all of it (the bad, the good and even the ugly).Then, I need to post all of my deepest and darkest food confessions on a blog. Yes! I know it seems extreme, but the only way to turn from my lying ways is to come clean everyday and what better way to expose myself than on social media. This means full exposure. Nothing scares me more than posting, but then Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Do one thing everyday that scares you," and she was a very smart lady. So on that note lets begin.

Hi, my name is Katie and I am an over eater. I am 50 pounds over weight and I lie about how much I eat.